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Archive for the ‘desire’ Category

Bobbi Eden, seen here out of her work attire.

With only 4 hours till kickoff between Spain and the Netherlands, two countries which have yet to win the world cup, there is a possibility that a win for one country may be more historical for reasons unrelated to soccer(football).

Bobbi Eden, a Dutch erotic film actress, tweeted a promise that if the Netherlands won the cup, every one of her twitter followers would be entitled to oral sex, courtesy of her and a few of her co-worker friends. The Huffington Post reported on July 10th that she had “more than 20,000 followers.” Her twitter, at the time of writing, shows 109,793 followers. Not bad.

Days earlier there was a story about Larissa Riquelme, a Paraguayan model who promised to run naked through the streets if her team won. Unfortunately, Paraguay was eliminated, though Riquelme has decided to follow through on her plan, a sort of consolation prize, as I see it, for losing and for being one of the most boring teams to watch.

What’s going on here? I thought soccer was about fist fights and vandalism, drunken song and face paint. Apparently, it’s about other things, too. Particularly, sex, and in the case of Eden, the effective use of social-media to create buzz and self-promote on the back end of an international event. It’s a great idea, but 109,793 is a big number. 109,793 is a lot of people. 109,793 is a lot of schlong.

If Eden does decide to make good on her promise, it’ll be as historical as the Netherlands winning the World Cup for the first time. For 109,793 men, it will be an especially long and harrowing 90 minutes. Good luck to the Dutch.  Good luck to her. Good luck to the 109,793.

P.S. A por ellos.

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“I am my beloved’s. and my beloved is mine.” – Song of Solomon 6:3

Iris Silicone Rechargeable: $125.99

This quote is part of the header over at Book 22, an online Christian store that sells “intimacy products for married couples.”  They have a fine selection of intimacy kits and edibles, aids and jelly rings, or in sinner speak, lube kits and nipple nibblers, dildos and cock rings, respectively.

Ring of Passion: $19.99

This online nook was started by Joy Wilson, a wife and mother who went looking to spice up her sex life in a way that wouldn’t compromise her Christian values. Unfortunately, the market only turned up smut, nude women and men performing illicit acts and the like. Wilson decided to start her own “sin-free” sex toy business, as reported by NPR. When purchasing stock, Wilson says she only goes with products that don’t promote “unholy” sexual activity. Not tough to do when The Son of God is your buyer.

We pray about things before we add them to our site,” she says. “We live our lives very openly in front of Jesus, so we just kind of pray for direction about which way he would have us go, and I have to be honest with you — he’s really surprised us. … Almost our whole entire ‘special order’ page has come about from that. – NPR (Link)

Jesus obviously knows his way around the boudoir, as most of their products are for women. Though, there was this interesting, rubber tube thing for men.

Maven: $36.99

I love this for all of its cognitive dissonance, the cute euphemisms and the use of the Book of Solomon as a way to justify the type of  business this is. I get Joy Wilson’s spiritual intentions, though I think she misses the target, having been blinded by a lucrative opportunity in what I imagine to be an untouched market. And I doubt it’s her husband she’s thinking about when she aids herself.

I like Christians, the more fundamental the better. There isn’t much wiggle room when you are talking about the ultimate truth and I appreciate their conviction, as wacky as it may seem to me. Lord knows I could use some conviction. What I have a difficult time getting over is the idea of Jesus the shill, selling shirts and DVDs and CDs and Books, and now, apparently, dildos. It bums me out. He doesn’t even get royalties.

A business that makes nothing but money is a poor business.
Henry Ford

*The fine print on Book 22’s homepage:

We avoid any objectionable wording or pictures in the line of products we offer. Your privacy and protection are important to us. You will not receive anything but what you have ordered. We will not send out unsolicited e-mail or any other material to you. Your information will NOT be sold or given out to anyone by our company.
All products are sold as a novelty only. By clicking on any link here you agree to be a married adult 18 years of age or older. The customer is responsible for following their state laws in regard to viewing or purchasing products from our online store.

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Pin-Ups

One of the beautiful things about mass-production is that we can have love affairs with people we will never meet. Like the automobile pieced together on a line, images can be produced, re-produced and distributed to such a vast number of people at a relatively small cost. Images of glamourous living, beauty and sex, in particular, make it to the masses and allow everyone, from  the cramped urbanite on a train, to the barefoot boy in a village in the third world,  the opportunity to desire and fall in love with the ideal.

May

There are too many examples to list so I’ll just throw one out. How about Scarlett Johansson?  I look at her and I think, “That girl is perfect.” She has all the attributes I want to see in a woman,  the curves of her body, her plump lips, the scratchy voice. I’m attracted to her vulnerability and loneliness in Lost In Translation and  excited by her passion and coquetry in Match Point.

July

People like that, like Ms. Johanson, their images belong to us and we can treat them as we like.

We can share them. Dispose of them when we grow tired of  their face and find a new one on any channel and on any magazine stand.  We can use them to create standards for our romantic pursuits, as a kind of  high-water mark to measure the the flood levels created by potential lovers.

Eizo, a Japanese medical imaging and precision display company,  play with this idea in one of their marketing campaigns (Butter, Berlin/Duesseldorf, Germany), a nude, pin-up calendar, sure to rumble the bowels of a few radiologists. The images speak for themselves. I like the idea. It’s fun.

August

Some advice:

“This may seem simple, but you need to give customers what they want, not what you think they want. And, if you do this, people will keep coming back.”
John llhan, Turkish–Australian entrepreneur

ufunk

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